How My Worship Was Used Against Me

Last week, I talked about the spiritual warfare that I was battling throughout this past summer. I left off saying that this week, I would also share with you how God has brought me through the biggest warfare I have ever experienced.

After I moved past my previous warfare, I started to look for what was next.  No matter where I looked I couldn’t find it, but I decided to keep looking so I could try to keep them away. For about a month and a half, I couldn’t figure it out, until I had a conversation with a good friend of mine. All summer long I was working on a set list of music – specifically for Adoration. I spent weeks and months changing and rearranging my list until I thought it was completely perfect. I practiced the songs multiple times and in the order I had planned. Those who were working with me thought the list was great too, and they didn’t think I should change it either.

My friend and I started talking about the upcoming retreat, and discussed the music list I had so thoroughly prepared over the course of the summer. I had decided I wouldn’t change the list for anyone because of all the hard work I had put in it, and that it was full of the best songs I could bring to this retreat. And then it hit me. I failed to realize that I needed to make my list based on where this group of teens was at, not on what I thought sounded good.

They used my most pure form of prayer against me.

I got so caught up in my pride that I hurt myself more than I had ever before, and I didn’t even realize it. The demons kept feeding this pride, trying to make me stick to what I wanted and nothing else. They used my love for worship, which is personally my most pure form of prayer, against me. I never thought in a million years that my own worship, my closest access to God, would be the thing that pushes me away from Him the most.
After I finally realized the problem I was facing, I went to confession and talked to the priest friend of mine about all of the warfare I was facing. He encouraged me a lot, especially with the simple fact that if my intentions weren’t pure, this wouldn’t be happening. I am part of multiple ministries, and all the demons want to do is make me fail.

This is true for anyone trying to do God’s will. God’s work is the last thing they want to happen, and they will do anything and everything to stop God’s children from fulfilling His purpose for their lives. The thing I realized was I could not do any of this alone. I needed strong Christian friends to surround me and help support me.  I tried to do it alone and was being eaten alive. With the help of my friends and family, I was able to move past my pride and begin to lean on others to help me stay more humble.

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